


gloomy sunday

by cosmicpoet



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 22:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30096048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicpoet/pseuds/cosmicpoet
Summary: Ren goes into Mementos, weaponless, not expecting to make it back out. A strange man in a black mask has something to say about that, though.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 6
Kudos: 100





	gloomy sunday

**Author's Note:**

> Set just after Madarame's palace.

Ren prepares himself to enter the Metaverse. Alone. Morgana is sleeping at the end of his bed, and he’s sure that the rest of the Phantom Thieves are doing something similar; they’ve overcome their own hardships, and now they’re resting soundly in the knowledge that they’re changing the world, no strings attached. He’s jealous. He couldn’t even begin to explain to them the intense, burning feelings of dissatisfaction and helplessness that ache within his chest – how could he? He doesn’t even know how to begin even a sentence about them, about his unfair prosecution, and the sickly feeling of dread that seeps into his bloodstream every time he thinks that he’s not good enough.

Oh, God, he’s never going to be good enough. He stretches out his legs, and Morgana doesn’t wake up. Thankfully.

Ever since they captured Madarame’s treasure, he’s been thinking the same thing. They’re the  _ Phantom Thieves,  _ and they’ll stay that way even without their leader. Truthfully, he never wanted to be the captain of the team, but he went along with it because it seemed to make everyone else happy, and that’s all he’s good for. Ren Amamiya, self-sacrificial leader of a group that’s destined for Hell. Still, though, he’s made his peace with the fact that they’ll be okay without him. Ryuji is bold, brave, reckless to a fault, but his heart is in the right place; Ann has such bold conviction that he thinks she could convince anybody to have a change of heart without the necessity of the Metaverse; Morgana is encouraging and helpful; and their newest member, Yusuke, understands sacrifice and beauty enough to make anybody with some semblance of a heart fall to their knees.

So they don’t necessarily need him.

He’s made his mind up.

Almost as an afterthought, he decides to write a note to Sojiro. It’s only fair to thank him for his unwavering hospitality, and he’d feel terrible dying without leaving him with some resolution; he picks up a pen and writes a small message, barely a few sentences in length. He expresses his gratitude for allowing him to live in the attic of Leblanc, and asks, humbly, that none of his passing emotion is given to his parents. 

And then, he’s done. Ready.

Double checking that Morgana is still fast asleep, he pulls out his phone and directs himself to the Metaverse App. He doesn’t even have time to doubt what he’s doing before he finds himself in Mementos, standing at the forefront of the train station, looking onwards into the vast  _ everything _ and understanding how small he is.

He takes off his long, black coat, folding it with care into a small bundle. Fondly, he lays it on the ground, like he’s saying goodbye to the only good memories that he has; then, he lays his knife and gun on top of it, rendering him weaponless. The pile of items he’s leaving behind tells a better story of his life than he ever could – the tragic hero, setting down his legacy in favour of death, the only thing that can truly give him redemption. He remembers the incident that landed him in this whole situation, how he was only trying to do the right thing. Safe in the knowledge that the Phantom Thieves will continue to change hearts and make the world a better place, Ren is happy enough to set down his sword firmly into the stone, and fade into nothingness.

He walks deeper into Mementos. On a regular trip down here, he and his friends would have encountered multiple Shadows by now, but he feels strangely alone; it’s almost as if the Shadows know that he’s seeking an unwinnable fight, and they stay away from him. Like it’s destiny. It makes him sick. Onwards, still, he progresses, walking, vulnerable, into the pit, thinking of old poets and lost pride, not daring to hope that he can ever make it to the other side of the dark.

Finally, a victory. A strange one, considering how much has always rested on his willingness and ability to fight, but being knocked down and taken by surprise is a welcome change. Ren hits the floor, hard, as the Shadow looms over him and summons the first blow.

He expects it to hurt. He  _ wants _ it to hurt, and he closes his eyes, but nothing comes, and he’s forced to open them. The sickeningly familiar red glow of Arsene shields him from harm, and he’s helpless, watching, as the Shadow sends hit after hit, only to be blocked by the manifestation of his heart. He doesn’t  _ get it.  _ If Arsene is truly what’s in his heart, then why hasn’t he given up too? Still, his Persona shields him, protecting him in the same way Ren imagines a father – a  _ good  _ father, anyway – would protect his son, and it makes him feel so, so weak. 

“Arsene!” Ren commands. “Stop.”

Arsene turns around, sadly. “This is not what your heart craves,” he says.

“It is.”

With no other option, Arsene shrinks down into a ball and bursts back into Ren’s heart. It’s almost comforting, to feel like something within him still has some sort of fight left, but it’s not enough to get him up off the ground.

And then he feels it. The Shadow’s attacks, coming hard and fast down on him. Too prideful to wince, Ren just lets it happen, feeling his breath hitch as it struggles to crush its way out of his throat. After multiple blows, the Shadow leaves him alone.  _ Ha.  _ It must have realised he wasn’t even worth a final shot; too pathetic to die as anything other than helpless and alone.

Ren closes his eyes, waiting to die. But nothing comes; he waits,  _ waits, _ even prays to a God that he doesn’t believe in, but he still feels the cold floor of Mementos beneath him.

It must be some sort of sad justice, the way he feels his mask glued to his face. He wouldn’t have the strength to take it off, even if he wanted to.

And then… something warm.

“My God,” a voice says, “You’re barely alive.”

“Mm,” he replies, trying to sound sarcastic. Suave. Cool. Not at all like he’s begging to feel something.

“Pathetic. Open your eyes.”

Ren does so, and although his vision is blurry, he sees someone kneeling beside him. He’s wearing a sharp, black mask, and his hands, cloaked in gloves, are checking his stomach, presumably to assess the severity of his wounds.

“Who are you?” Ren asks.

“Right now, I’m the guy who saves your pathetic life.”

“If you’re going to be a sarcastic bastard, I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Save it,” the man says, “your hero-complex makes you look desperate. Drink this.” He holds a bottle to Ren’s lips, and he hates himself for it, but he drinks. Instantly, he starts to feel better; not  _ well _ exactly, but strong enough to pull himself into a sitting position. “That’s it,” his - God, his  _ saviour  _ – says. 

“You’re not a Phantom Thief,” Ren chokes out.

“Well observed,” the man retorts.

“Your mask…”

“Shut up. You’re delirious.”

Ren feels himself being dragged up to a standing position, and he has no choice but to walk; the man in the black mask has his arm around him, pulling him forwards; Ren wants to scream at him, to summon Arsene and knock him flat down, tell him to  _ fuck off, leave me alone.  _ Instead, he silently resigns himself to being swept along until he’s dropped harshly to his feet at the door of the station.

“Don’t be so stupid again,” the man says, “your story is nowhere near over.”

And then he’s gone, before Ren can even ask him his name.

Resignedly, he closes his eyes.

He’s shaken awake by rough hands. It’s like being woken in the morning far too early, and, bleary-eyed, he tries to push the person away, but they don’t relent.

“Hey, man, wake up!”

It’s Ryuji. Ren  _ has _ to wake up now, because he can’t fail his friends or even seem weak in front of them. Slowly, he opens his eyes and pushes himself into a sitting position.

“Hey,” he says.

“We were so worried!”

That’s Ann. She’s standing over him, looking concerned, as Ryuji and Morgana are in defensive positions behind her, presumably anticipating Shadows. Yusuke is watching from the side, a curious, sad expression on his face.

“What were you doing?” Morgana asks.

“Sorry, guys. I thought I could get in some practice in Mementos,” he lies. “Guess I need you lot by my side after all.”

“No shit you do!” Ryuji says. “We’re a team! We can’t go wandering off alone.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Ann adds.

“Ren, we must act together, or not at all,” Yusuke says.

“Right,” he replies. “Sorry, guys. At least nothing bad happened.”

“You’re lucky,” Morgana lectures him. “There are powerful Shadows down here. Going in alone is a suicide mission.”

Ren bites his tongue. There’s no use telling them the truth, even if it would make for a good sarcastic comeback. Instead, he swallows his pride and stands up, allowing himself to rest on Ryuji’s shoulder, as they merge back into the real world.

“You must be careful, Ren,” Yusuke says. “Not only are there Shadows in Mementos, but we have to be alert – we’ve heard stories of a man in a black mask. Who knows what trouble he could cause.”

“Yeah,” Ren replies. “Trouble.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for not posting in forever.


End file.
